This Porn Star's Christmas Song About Mrs. Claus Is Shockingly SFW
From classics like “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa” and “Santa Baby” to the more eccentric like Clarence Carter’s “Back Door Santa”, the holiday season has never been short on its sexy festive tunes. But now we can finally say we have our first Christmas song from a porn star.
Brazzers, a pornographic production company based in Montreal, Canada, has teamed up with one of its actresses, Kagney Linn Karter, to answer the question none of us have been asking: what does Mrs. Claus do when her husband is away delivering presents and devouring milk and cookies?
“We’ve always heard so much about Santa’s exploits on Christmas Eve, but very little about Mrs. Claus who’s left back home at the North Pole, so Brazzers decided to delve into the other half of the most popular couple in the world,” Brazzers marketing director Gary Ticher shared in a statement.
Enter “A Lonely MILF On Christmas”:
The somehow safe-for-work video—we do suggest headphones—starts with Santa opening a letter from a couple of Brazzers porn stars, filled with subtlety like “We’re sorry Santa, it’s been a NAUGHTY year!” and “We’re still GOOD GIRLS although we get around.” As Santa glances over the accompanying risqué photographs, he lets out a few hearty “HO, HO, HO!” chuckles, with Mrs. Claus—played by Karter—looking on in disappointment from the top of the stairs.
As Santa heads out to fulfill his annual duty, Mrs. Claus longingly stares into the distance as she sings:
I’m a lonely MILF on Christmas
Won’t someone rescue me?
I’m all alone on Christmas
Horny as can be
I feel so brokenhearted
Sitting on my own
Christmas Eve is no fun
When you’re horny and alone
From there, she croons about her husband’s Christmas “package” and her suspicion that her husband is currently involved in an orgy with two other women. Naturally, she decides to host her own gathering and three shirtless elves knock at her bedroom door soon after.
“A Lonely MILF On Christmas” is the first release from Brazzers’ album due out in 2018, which features several of the adult entertainment company’s other onscreen performers and their “flexible range of talents.”
“Kagney is just one of the many Brazzers stars with amazing oral talents such as having an incredible singing voice,” Ticher said. “When we heard her tackle the Christmas song, it was a no-brainer to create a full album of original songs from other Brazzers porn stars.”
A free download of the song is available here.
About the author
Hailing from the booming metropolis that is Lebanon, Pennsylvania, Ryan grew up surrounded by Amish farms and performed in a variety of questionable musical acts. After studying journalism at Penn State and working as an editor at the startup blog Onward State, Ryan moved to New York City to work for The Huffington Post as the Music and Entertainment Social Media Editor. When he isn't pouring through new music or managing the artists Angelo Mota and Marathon, he is endlessly quoting "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia", "Archer" and "Kroll Show" to anyone that will listen.
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