From public transport announcements and requests to work late through to pub closing times and the price of a pint, these phrases tend to leave Londoners rather upset. We might not be visibly irate, hell, we might even smile, but under the surface we’re probably fuming.
“The… line is closed for engineering work. Please use the Rail Replacement Bus services.”
Every Londoner knows this phrase means their otherwise simple journey has just become a trek of Odyssean proportions that will take a thousand times longer on a rickety old bus – which is always either uncomfortably hot or miserably cold – than it would have by tube. Thanks TFL.
Destinations Unlocked:Let our travel expert Stefano help you find your perfect Culture trip
Looking for an expert's perspective?Uncover my top 3 recommended places from each continent on the map.
1. GuatemalaAn express adventure for those with limited time off. Prepare yourself incredible experiences. You will hike a volcano, visit mayan temples and witness a ceremony and take in beautiful colonial Antigua.
2. BelizeA quick trip not too far away for those seeking a relaxing mini break. You will have plenty of free time to relax but also some awesome activities to experience the rainforest and the caribbean sea.
3. MexicoAn exciting mini trip exploring the lesser known colonial towns of central Mexico. This is hte perfect trip for someone with limited time off and still wants to turn on explorer mode and do something different.
1. EcuadorA remarkable 8 days adventure through the Andes and the Amazon rainforest. The best choice for adventure seekers wishing to visit the 2 most iconic areas of South America, in only 1 week and no flights.
2. PeruAn alternative itinerary to classic Peru, from Cusco to Arequipa. This itinerary is great combination of highlights Cusco and Machu Picchu with the lesser known Arequipa and Colca Canyon.
1. ItalyThe ultimate Italian experience from the vibrant streets of Naples to the breathtaking sceneries of the Amalfi Coast followed by Matera and down to Puglia with its golden beaches, intense flavours and fascinating destinations.
2. ScotlandEmbark on this great adventure starting from London all the way to Scotland with a true Scottish experience made of breathtaking sceneries, whisky tasting and ..lots of fun! Ideal for train lovers and explorers.
3. PortugalA wonderful train journey around Portugal, from the romantic city of Porto to the Douro Valley, to the beautiful Aveiro all the way to Lisbon and Sintra. The perfect trip to train, culinary and culture lovers.
1. South KoreaDiscover incredible temples, mountains and modern cities on this 10 day adventure. This trip is perfect for those seeking immersion in the cuisine, culture and natural wonders of South Korea.
2. ThailandFrom Bankgok to Angkor Wat to Ho Chi Minh City and everything in between - adventure through the heart of South-East Asia. Taste the delights, see history brought to life and unwind on a Mekong River cruise.
3. Sri LankaA fantastic adventure that showcases Sri Lanka's fantastic landscapes, wildlife and flavours. With 3 epic rail journeys, 3 UNESCO heritage sites and time to relax, this trip has loads to offer at a great price
1. MoroccoAn epic journey across Morocco: from Casablanca to Marrakech, through the blue city of Chefchaouen to the wonders of the desert and deep to the High Atlas Mountains - this trip has it all! Ideal for true explorers!
2. EgyptFrom Cairo to Aswan, this trip brings the land of the pharaohs to life. You'll visit the Pyramids, Valley of the Kings and Luxor Temple and cruise down the Nile in style. This is the perfect way to explore Egypt.
“Oh, no, that chair is taken.”
Oh, really? Well how come no one’s been sitting there for the last half an hour? There are too many people in this city for your imaginary friend.
“That pint will be £6, please.”
You’ve got to be kidding. How? That’s a quid in an offie. Sure, business rent in London is expensive, but you’re just taking the proverbial.
“Exact change only, please.”
Stop being awkward. If everyone was meant to pay in exact change, we wouldn’t need change. Dumbass.
“Londoners are SO rude and unfriendly.”
It’s a big city, there are lots of people here, we’ve all got places to be. Get a move on or get out of the way and there won’t be any problems – otherwise prepare to endure the full force of our collective passive-aggressive wrath.
“Oh, you rent? Why don’t you just buy a house?”
Do you have any idea how much a deposit for a mortgage is? A millennial Londoner will probably sooner win the lottery than be able to afford a house in the capital’s current property market.
“Would you mind staying late tonight to sort this out?”
Of course, not a problem. That said, feelings of resentment will now forever corrupt our working relationship because you clearly have no respect for my work-life balance. I already go to bed pretty much as soon as I get home just to catch enough sleep to arrive at work on time tomorrow. Ugh, I need a payrise.
Pub. 11pm. Bell rings. “Last orders!”
Seriously? You’re cutting off the supply of the one thing that makes our overworked lives bearable. Great, now we have to decide between going home or heading to a club on a work night just to get another drink. Europe has late-night bars. We need to be more like Europe.
“The destination of this bus has changed.”
This is basically like telling your boss you’re not going to do the job you’ve been hired for even though you’ve already been paid to do it. When we’re paying TFL as much as we do for transport, is it totally unreasonable to ask for our buses to go where they say they will?
“Sorry, we’re all out of umbrellas.”
Everybody knows London endures a near-perpetual state of rain. Factor in the umbrella-destroying winds and even Mr. Bean could tell you that any decent retailer should maintain an extensive stock of brollies at all times.
“Let’s just push in near the front.”
Just try it. We promise a Vesuvian eruption of passive aggression on a scale your sorry, queue-skipping ass could never even begin to imagine. Never forsake the sanctity of the age-old British ritual of queueing.
“Have you booked a table?”
Can nothing be spontaneous anymore? Not everyone wants to plan out every single minute of every single day like Deborah Meaden. If we did we’d probably all be multimillionaires. Give us a break.
“Sorry, we don’t take contactless card payments.”
Well maybe that explains why we’ve just had to wait an eternity to get served. If you’re going to do business in 21st century London, get with the times.
“Are you on the guest list?”
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you need a sense of entitlement to come here. Get over yourselves and take our money.
“Sorry, there’s a private event on tonight.”
Well if you’re going to shut the whole place down for private parties, stop advertising as a public venue. We might be here because it’s right next to work, but we’re going to be angry like we crossed the entire city to get here.
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meet our Local Insider
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A GUIDE?
WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR JOB?
It's the personal contact, the personal experiences. I love meeting people from all over the world... I really like getting to know everyone and feeling like I'm traveling with a group of friends.
WHAT DESTINATION IS ON YOUR TRAVEL BUCKET-LIST?
I have so many places on my list, but I would really lobe to go to Africa. I consider myself an “adventure girl” and Africa feels like the ULTIMATE adventure!
Every CULTURE TRIP Small-group adventure is led by a Local Insider just like Hanna.
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Connect with like-minded people on our premium trips curated by local insiders and with care for the world
Since you are here, we would like to share our vision for the future of travel - and the direction Culture Trip is moving in.
Culture Trip launched in 2011 with a simple yet passionate mission: to inspire people to go beyond their boundaries and experience what makes a place, its people and its culture special and meaningful — and this is still in our DNA today. We are proud that, for more than a decade, millions like you have trusted our award-winning recommendations by people who deeply understand what makes certain places and communities so special.
Increasingly we believe the world needs more meaningful, real-life connections between curious travellers keen to explore the world in a more responsible way. That is why we have intensively curated a collection of premium small-group trips as an invitation to meet and connect with new, like-minded people for once-in-a-lifetime experiences in three categories: Culture Trips, Rail Trips and Private Trips. Our Trips are suitable for both solo travelers, couples and friends who want to explore the world together.
Culture Trips are deeply immersive 5 to 16 days itineraries, that combine authentic local experiences, exciting activities and 4-5* accommodation to look forward to at the end of each day. Our Rail Trips are our most planet-friendly itineraries that invite you to take the scenic route, relax whilst getting under the skin of a destination. Our Private Trips are fully tailored itineraries, curated by our Travel Experts specifically for you, your friends or your family.
We know that many of you worry about the environmental impact of travel and are looking for ways of expanding horizons in ways that do minimal harm - and may even bring benefits. We are committed to go as far as possible in curating our trips with care for the planet. That is why all of our trips are flightless in destination, fully carbon offset - and we have ambitious plans to be net zero in the very near future.