Trump Bans Irn-Bru From His Golf Resort and Scots Aren’t Having It

In what appears to be the very last straw for Scots, this less-than-phenomenal move insists that Irn-Bru will no longer, under any circumstances, be sold on the premises.

It all came about after resort guests requested the heavenly beverage be served at an event, only to be denied by hotel staff. The reason? Turnberry employees feared that its obnoxiously orange colour could stain the carpet. Given Trump’s intense fondness for the colour orange, this ban comes as a shock to many.

The flabbergasting news follows a multi-million-pound refurbishment of the entire Trump Turnberry resort. Some of the expensive upgrades include new carpets, which are said to have set Trump back thousands.

Turnberry general manager Ralph Porciani told the Ayrshire Post: ‘We can’t have it staining when to replace the ballroom carpet would be £500,000 alone.’

He then went on to lament about the many abandoned resort villas that cannot be rented out due to stubborn Irn-Bru stains.

Along with Turnberry, President Trump also owns a luxury golf resort in Aberdeenshire and refers to Scotland as a ‘very special place’ with ‘very special people’. His mother was born on the Isle of Lewis. However, it seems that the US President, notorious for his brash comments and impetuous tendencies, may have gone a step too far this time.

In light of Trump’s UK tour and potential visit with the Queen at Balmoral, talks and concerns surrounding inevitable protests are already well underway. Needless to say, this Bru-ban will only add fuel to the fire. Scots have taken to Twitter and other social media channels to express their disdain for the situation.

The irny of Donald Trump banning something orange.#irnbru
— Present & Correct (@presentcorrect) May 10, 2018
If they are trying to desensitize us to him before his visit, this isnt the way to go.
Id protest him just for the fact that he has banned Irn Bru from his Scottish golf course. What an asshat! #irnbru #dietcokewar
— WeeHalfPint ✊✌👑 (@weehalfpintt) May 11, 2018
Trump bans #IrnBru from his golf resort because it stains things orange …
The real reason is that he’s worried about jokes being made about him melting

— Just Johnny (@Johnny_TooBad2) May 10, 2018
Y’know, I was still prepared to give @realDonaldTrump a pass, despite the mounting scandals and general all-round shittiness. And then I saw THIS. Fuck that guy! #irnbru @irnbru pic.twitter.com/0Qr4Q7ahq4
— Andrew Hope (@sputnik67) May 10, 2018

So much more than just another carbonated beverage with a secret recipe, Irn-Bru is a shining symbol of Scotland and a true national treasure. Not only is this Scottish drink adored as an unofficial hangover cure, but it has also been going strong since 1901 when it was then known as ‘Iron Brew’.

Famed for its 32 flavouring agents, fluorescent orange hues and outlandish advertising campaigns, Irn-Bru has always been a number one seller in Scotland, with sales far surpassing other fizzy kingpins like Coca-Cola®.

Albeit in the name of health, fans of the drink have already endured the turmoil of a recipe change – which saw the sugar content cut by almost half – due to the UK government’s sugar tax. Add this to the mix, and it’s verging on too much.

To some, such a ban may seem a trivial, almost humorous affair, but to Scots, this is serious. A line has been crossed. Trump should know that without Irn-Bru, he will not get through. It’s only a matter of time before the people of Scotland fight back with fire and fury like the world has never seen.