‘Attendance counts towards 10% of your grade.’
This is probably the most feared statement a professor can make during the first lecture or class in the semester; and when you hear these words you just know it’s going to be a boring, might as well kill me right now class. However, students want (or will have to) to figure out for themselves that attending lectures is not only the best strategy to passing the year, but essential when it comes to the learning experience.
‘Have you started yet?’
You probably know the answer is ‘no, I haven’t,’ and I bet you haven’t either; so it’s better to stop stressing each other out by reminding yourselves of something that you are well aware has to be turned in tomorrow.
‘For this assignment, you will be randomly allocated into groups.’
Not again. The idea of having to create yet another group chat with random people, whom you have never really talked to before, months prior to the hand-in date – and completely ignore it until two days before the actual presentation or assessment, at which point only one or two people end up putting all the work in – is just too much to bear.
‘Your rent is due tomorrow.’
You are a student. You are poor. This pretty much sums up this sad story.
‘You think studying is hard? Wait until you get a full-time job.’
It’s more likely that students can’t wait for the day where they find a job that pays them well enough to comfortably afford a decent meals and accommodation. If you’re not a student, do not question how much having supermarket meal deals every day makes you want to work full-time, 365 days a year, forever.
‘What are your plans after you graduate?’
As students, we constantly fear that the word ‘dissertation’ might pop up during a conversation everywhere we go, but are even more afraid of the constant questions relating to our future post-education. Let’s be clear – 99.99% of students have absolutely no clue what they are going to be doing after university, so it may be wise to avoid the subject altogether.
‘Are you still watching?’ (Netflix)
Saved the best for last. This question, posed by Netflix and appearing on your screen as your device prepares to go into standby mode, is the ultimate temptation to drop whichever book you’re pouring through, push the essay-work aside, and indulge in ‘just one more’ episode of Stranger Things.