(1) The first question you ask when meeting someone new is ‘who do you barrack for?’
(2) You refuse to schedule, or accept an invitation to, an event on Grand Final day if it has nothing to do with the game.
(3) Every year you make a special trip to the city to see the MYER Christmas Windows.
(4) You’ve organised to meet someone underneath the clocks at Flinders Street Station.
(5) You visited Phillip Island for school camp and waited in the cold for the Penguin Parade and now you brag about the fact that the Hemsworth brothers hail from the island.
(6) You think it’s normal to sit on a milk crate in a laneway café and order a flat white from a guy who looks like Ned Kelly.
(7) You think of Ned Kelly as a legendary hero, not a criminal.
(8) Performing a hook turn for the first time terrified you and you’ve avoided doing one ever since.
(9) You will find any excuse to go to your local Bunnings Warehouse for the sausage sizzle.
(10) You skip the sales on Boxing Day so that you can watch the cricket at the MCG.
(11) You know someone who has a piece of rococo furniture from Franco Cozzo and you think the man is a legend.
(12) On Melbourne Cup, you host or attend a barbeque and take part in a cup sweep, before eagerly awaiting 3pm.
(13) The fire brigade towers on Southbank used to scare you as a kid, but now you marvel at their beauty.
(14) You refuse to make plans on Christmas Eve so that you can watch the Carols with Lisa and David.
(15) Friday arvo isn’t complete without tuning into Hamish and Andy’s Pants Off Friday.
(16) Your fish and chip order always includes several potato cakes and you can’t stand the fact that Sydneysiders call them scallops.
(17) You can’t stand people from Sydney and think Melbourne is a far superior city.
(18) Summer isn’t complete without jumping from The Pillars in Mount Martha.
(19) You line up every April outside Crown Casino to catch up a glimpse of the glitz and glamour from the Logies.
(20) You know that Moomba means ‘up your bum,’ and you attend the festival every year, but only to watch the Birdman rally.
(21) You complain about the myki ticketing system and will never quite grasp when or when not to touch on and off.
(22) You will dine in anything that’s been converted – from shipping containers to dirty skips and train carriages.