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Seven Ridiculous London Room Rentals, Trolled By Harry Potter Characters

Picture of Luke Abrahams
Social Content Editor
Updated: 24 January 2017
You don’t have to be a Harry Potter fan to understand that London’s out-of-control rental prices and ‘questionable’ living conditions are probably the work of the ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’. On average, a one-bed gaff in Zone 1 will set you back a heart-stopping £1,987 a month, and for a room in the nether regions of Zone 6, some landlords will expect London muggles to fork out a gut-wrenching £650 a month for a bed in a kitchen #saywhat!

Here are seven of the most ridiculous London rentals we’ve seen to date, all trolled by Hogwarts’ finest.

1. The claustrophobic kitchenette…

This wonderful spacious studio flat features a marvellous open plan kitchenette, luxurious double bed, vintage Habitat wardrobe and a fantastic Ikea dining table set that will make all your friends die with jealousy. Slaughtering aside, people were so outraged by the ad that the listing had to be removed just 15 hours after it was posted. Price? A laughable £737 a month.

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2. Cramped Kensington chic…

Who would have thought Kensington was all about that ‘cosy’ bunk bed lifestyle? Yes, one of the most affluent areas in the land shocked many London room hunters with this horrendously cramped ‘studio’ flat. This shack from hell was described as ‘sure to be popular’, but one website commenter took the words straight out everybody’s mouth and described it as ‘a godawful shit hole that’ll erase your sanity’. Look on the bright side, though, at least you can LITERALLY roll out of the bed into the shower. Price? A jolly good £502 a month.

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3. A mattress in Elephant and Castle…

© Rightmove
© Rightmove

As you can see, this lovely gem of a boudoir situated in the up-and-coming Elephant and Castle boasts an exceptionally dated television, a hideous ‘top-end’ 1970s pine unit and a rather horrible lumpy mattress. This ‘well-maintained’ and ‘sought-after’ south London property (with fabulous block radiator included) could have been yours for just £700 a month. Bargain.

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4. The real ‘cupboard under the stairs’…

Alex Lomax went to visit this ghastly ‘bed under the stairs’ in the very cosmopolitan and leafy Clapham, south-west London. To her absolute horror, the ‘single and furnished room’ was nothing more than a tiny cloakroom with a mattress plonked inside it. As if the awful bed sheets weren’t enough to deal with, Alex was told that the £500 a month Potter-style cupboard didn’t include bills – an extra 60 quid a month! It’s all good though – her would-be housemates advertised that they were not ‘really looking for someone that just wants to stay in their room.’ Who would?

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5. The ‘snug’ Uxbridge love shack (from hell)…

For just £650 a month you could have nabbed this so-called ‘studio’ flat in Uxbridge, north-west London. When published, the listing read: “Crystal & Co proudly present a S-N-U-G separate entrance studio room, close to the station, fully furnished and ready for you to move in straight away”. All bills were included and as you can see, the double bed was in easy reach of the washing machine and the electric hob. As one Reddit user put it, ‘it’s so snug that you’ll feel the warmth of the stove from your bed’ – #savaged.

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6. A Mayfair rip-off …

A one-bedroom flat in London with no visible nasties in sight, a decent couch and some clean tiles. At last. Yet this underwhelming Mayfair pad described as “slightly only larger than a garage” and going for £1,666 a month was snapped up in just 40 minutes. But the real issue? The gaff’s new tenant was forced to pay a shocking £10,000 security deposit. No words.

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7. The bed, in the shed, in the lounge…

Look behind the sofa. See it yet? That, my fellow Londoners, is a bed, in a shed, in a communal lounge for £530 a month – excluding all bills, of course. The shady advert originally read: “This is the biggest room in the house and comes with a sofa, which means sharing it with the rest of us sometimes”. Sadly, this delusional rental proves just how desperate some landlords are willing to go for a quick buck outside Azkaban. Give the landlord a break, though – at least he/she had the decency to black out the shed windows.

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Want more UK housing news? Take a look at these new ‘Garden Villages’ that could be the answer to the UK’s housing crisis!