Any real fur item will need to have a microchip by May 2016
In support of PETA and various other animal rights groups, this new EU law will state that any real fur item will need to have a microchip by May 2016. The law gives these fashion items ‘once-living’ status, a new legal term made especially for this case. As now ‘once-living’ animals, real fur items will also be subject to quarantine laws – particularly in the UK.
From 24 June 2016, all continental Europeans, comprising citizens of the EU and European Economic Area (EEA), will be required to obtain a tourist visa for travel within the UK
Visas will be available upon arrival in the UK at a cost of 12 pounds. This new rule coincides with the ‘Brexit’ referendum, which will take place on 23 June. Irrespective of the outcome of the referendum, the visa requirement will come into effect, much to the dismay of leaders in France, Germany and elsewhere in Europe. Citizens of the Republic of Ireland will be exempt, owing to the unique circumstances surrounding Anglo-Irish relations.
A ‘politeness tax’ will be implemented in Paris
In wake of last year’s unprecedented show of hate on the French capital, local authorities have ordered the implementation of a ‘politeness’ tax, meant to coerce obstinate waiters, and other members of the services industry, into showing a welcoming attitude to tourists. With the most visited city in the world still widely seen as a haven for hateful curmudgeons and conceited lumps, the cash-strapped government believes this policy will help it redress both its budget and image problems. As we understand it, the tax will be based on an average of relevant online reviews, with civil servants in the Ministry of Food, Alcohol and Safety meant to give final decisions on whether or not businesses qualify to pay.
As of June 2016, Kardashianism will be an official religion in the US
The Kardashians have long since hinted at their divinity – including their latest hint and son, Saint West. While Kanye, as the second coming of Yeezy, is an important figure, The Holy Mom Kim K is central to this new and growing religion. In announcing their holy-selves, the north star shall be renamed as North’s star – as Kardashianists witnessed the star appearing to herald North’s birth.
Kardashianism preaches tenants of self-love, self-improvement and selfies. Instagram has been named as their official place of worship.
Texas to impose harsh new rules for anyone entering the state
Due to a recent increase in disrespectful behaviour towards Texans by visitors, the government of Texas has introduced a new rule for anyone attempting to enter or travel through the state. Visitors must now sing the state anthem, ‘Texas, Our Texas’, at one of the designated checkpoints on interstates and highways.
All three stanzas, plus the chorus, should be sung from memory and not read out. Experts estimate it will take about an hour to master the lyrics. This legal requirement applies to both US and foreign citizens. According to official reports, unwarranted laughter during the singing process will be punished with a three-month ban on entering the state.
The Elgin Marbles to be returned to Greece
A few weeks ago, the European Commission agreed to a landmark decision sure to anger the British government. In a move partly seen as a form of reparation for its tough treatment of Greece over the debt crisis, European commissioners have ordered the United Kingdom to make the British Museum return the Elgin Marbles to Athens. The Marbles, otherwise known as the Parthenon Frieze, were taken in the early 19th century from their original home at the Acropolis, and so on the orders of the Earl of Elgin. They were never returned, despite obvious protests on the part of the Greek government, as well as a number of interested intellectuals. It is rumoured that this was the final straw for known Eurosceptic and keen classicist Boris Johnson, who hours after the decision announced publicly he will be campaigning for Brexit.
New visa requirements to visit Catalonia
If you are planning to travel to Barcelona or anywhere in Catalonia over the upcoming months, be aware of the new Visa requirements to enter the north-eastern region of the Iberian Peninsula.
Since the latest Catalan parliamentary elections in September 2015, where the Pro-Independence Coalition won a majority of seats, the EU now requires all non-resident visitors to hold a valid Visa to enter the autonomous region of Catalonia.
UN to implement new travel stamps
The UN are implementing a rule in which a passport stamp is now required whenever a traveller crosses the equator. The new stamp, dubbed informally as the ‘Hemistamp’, says that if you cross the Northern or Southern Hemisphere during a journey, upon arriving at your destination, your travel documents will be stamped (pictured) to differentiate from Northern and Southern Hemispheres.
Free travel in London for anyone that identifies as a struggling YoPro
To help ease the very real struggle for YoPros, Transport For London (TFL) are introducing a new YoPro scheme for free travel. This will include all tube-lines, buses, trains and even cabs throughout zones 1-6. YoPros can easily apply online – if, of course, they have the time – and send off for their YoPro card.
The scheme was meant to be implemented late last year but was quickly pulled from public access when a still unnamed man (for legal reasons) was denied his YoPro card. While he identified as a YoPro, he was not officially a YoPro – reports say that at the time, he was a barista, working in his spare time on his debut novel. TFL has since revamped the scheme to be more inclusive.
UK government to pass Buckingham Palace Curtsy Law on Boris Bikers
In London, it will soon become mandatory for anyone on Boris Bikes to dismount and curtsy when cycling past Buckingham Palace. The new law will come into effect after a special ceremony, in which Boris Johnson will be first to enact this curtsy. Many have already labeled it the ‘Boris Bow’.